Paul Ross has been a speaker, author, teacher and trainer for 32 years. He is an expert master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP and focuses on teaching techniques on how to use the power of language to persuade and get the results you desire. He is also the author of the book: Subtle Words That Sell where he shares revolutionary concepts and tools to get your prospects to convince themselves to buy.
Let’s join Paul as he takes a deeper dive into NLP, how to use it in sales and in our daily lives.
In this episode, we talked about:
(02:30) What is NLP?
(07:45) How to do Subconscious Selling?
(13:59) A phrase that you can use to induce a state of compliance
(16:02) What’s the one thing you are actually selling regardless of what industry you’re in?
(17:11) How do I make your clients feel good about their decision to buy
(18:45) What is the power of using hypnotic language?
(21:25) How to use language to destroy objections
(28:20) How to implement NLP in your everyday living
(34:10) How to eliminate limited self-belief and negative self-talk
(40:26) What do they not teach you in sales training programs
(47:14) The three things you need to balance to achieve success
Here are the links mentioned in this episode:
Website: www.speakerpaulross.com/apply
To read his book, go to www.paulrossbook.com
To get in touch with him, email: paul@speakerpaulross.com
Episode Transcript:
Brian Charlesworth 0:35
Alright, Hello, everyone. And welcome back to the GRIT podcast. I'm Brian Charlesworth, the founder of Sisu, the growth automation software for real estate and your host of the show. And I'm super pumped up about the show we have today. I'm here today with Paul Ross. The reason I'm super excited about this Paul is an expert, really master practitioner of NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming. So Geez, Paul, you've been an author, trainer, speaker, doing things in this area for what 30 plus years now?
Paul Ross 1:11
32 years going into my 33rd year I'm probably been doing this longer than some of your listeners have been alive.
Brian Charlesworth 1:19
Yes, that's probably true. So where are you based out of?
Paul Ross 1:23
I'm in lovely, beautiful San Diego, California. I used to be an Angeleno, but I couldn't take la that's celebrating my fifth year here in this beautiful city that I love so much.
Brian Charlesworth 1:33
Yeah, awesome. Okay, so you've taught 10s of thousands of people about NLP, I think people in the real estate world think of NLP maybe a little bit more of like, Okay, this is just their training might have been just around sales conversations, how to have, you know, ask smarter questions, if you will, how to be better and that aspect. But I want to go deeper than that, because I know, NLP is way deeper than that. I just told you, my wife just paid $25,000 plus to go through, you know, a seven-day training course on NLP. And I know it goes very deep, but it's really neuro linguistic programming. I mean, my take on it is it's really the thoughts that we, that we tell ourselves, and then it goes to how we communicate beyond that, but I'm probably way off. So I want you to tell us, really what is neuro linguistic programming?
Paul Ross 2:32
Sure. Well, there's an old joke that if you ask two rabbis for their opinion on a question, you get 300 different opinions. So if you sit to NLP ears are helpers as we call it across the table and say, What is NLP, you'll get all sorts of opinions, I'm just going to give you my experience my map, and nothing I'm going to teach you today as we explore together on this journey of neuro linguistic programming and how you can use that and other techniques I teach to increase your sales. Nothing I say is true with a capital T. It's only a map. It's my model that's worked for me and thousands of my students. So that said, NLP
Brian Charlesworth 3:13
When you say that, let's stop there for a minute. Because I think that's so important to recognize when you say it's, it's not true. It's your map, are you are you meaning it's your perception, like, everyone, everyone's perception is their reality? What's my reality is different from your reality, right?
Paul Ross 3:32
I don't mean that quite that mystical, mystical way, forgive me. I mean, no insult. What I mean is, it's a map, based on my experience of using NLP, at that works, but it may differ from other people's definitions and the rules that they layout for the use of it. That's okay. So for me, NLP is about a few things. First and foremost, it's a series of presuppositions to postulates about how human beings work, that human beings are not broken or stuck. It's just that what we do in a certain context works, but in the context we're trying to use, it doesn't work. There are times for example, when it pays to be aggressive. But if you bring that into the context of your relationships, you're going to get into trouble. So NLP looks at how people form their maps to the world, what's missing and what needs to be there. For example, I used to be a dating coach. I don't put this in my biography because I like to spring it on my host and see how they respond to it. Now the audience, excuse me, response to it, but I used to be a dating coach. And so I had to take these guys who were really really stuck, get them out of their shame, fear, shyness, teach them how to present themselves with some genuine confidence, and then how to talk like actual human beings instead of robots. In the course of doing that, I had to build my own models about how these guys stayed stuck. So it's a technology that says people are not broken, what they are doing just doesn't work for them in a certain context. So I can let me unpack it and make it bring it home and make the connections for you. These guys were almost all computer programmers, thinking in code and in software work very well for the job very well. But in the context of human relationship, didn't work at all. So it's not that I'm going to take that away from them. I'm going to say, hey, you're not broken in that context, thinking like a coder in the context of your work. That's great. It just doesn't work in this context at all. So one of the postulates of NLP is anything we do is resourceful in a certain context, and if people are not getting what they want, it's not because there's something inherently wrong with them, or it's their destiny, or the universe doesn't like them. It's simply that their map of what's possible for them, their skill sets, etc, is lacking. And the second thing that I think NLP is about it's a modeling technology, when bandler, who was a mathematician, and grunder, who's a linguist first got together to create NLP. They said, How can we combine our skills as a mathematician, a linguist, to model talent, the idea was to take excellence, break out the structure that talent and bring it to the masses. And the person they studied that, I think, really is the grandfather of NLP was Milton Erickson. Milton Erickson was a hypnotherapist and a medical doctor. He started out doing his his thing in the 30s. And he was to hypnosis. In my opinion, what Einstein was the physics, he totally revolutionized that and made it conversational. So gone was the swinging watch, and you're going to sleep. A huge part of NLP, I think, is looking at what Erickson did, and bring it into the conversational world. So you can use the conversationally put people into states where they're more likely to buy or to be compliant with what you want them to do.
Brian Charlesworth 7:15
Okay, so let's run with that for a minute. So most of our listeners are in real estate, they're team owners, broker-owners, possibly agents. I'm sure we have some business owners listening as well. But there's really an art to so many of us have, have been taught to sell one way for so many years. And this really goes a different direction. And so you know, let's maybe dive into his subconscious selling a little bit, I'll do that. And what that actually means and how we do that
Paul Ross 7:54
Well, I actually use some of it in the very beginning of the conversation, and you didn't catch it. I didn't say, I today, I'm going to be speaking to you about NLP and showing you some things I said, as we begin this exploration together, of what we're, what NLP is, like, I'm just very honored to be the one who's sharing all of this, all of this new learning with you. I use what I call implied relationship words, we share together, we share together, that implies a relationship. So typically, let's bring it down to the ground when I train agents and brokers, etc. When you present your marketing plan, after you've asked the right questions, and bla bla bla, bla bla, and you say, Alright, so before I present my marketing plan, and that marketing plan can show how you've listed sold properties in that neighborhood for high prices, etc. So, before I present my marketing plan, I just want to make sure that you feel free to ask questions. That's one way to put it. The problem with that is it's something you're doing to that person, rather than something you're doing with the person. So I encourage my students to say something like, before we explore our marketing plan together today, I just want to invite you to please share the questions that naturally arise when a great decision is going to be made. Now that's a big mouthful. So let's go back and chop into pieces. I said before we explore together, let's look at those three words. We explore it together. We implies it's an activity that we're sharing. Not that I'm doing it to you, you get it. an exploration assumes that there is a leader and therefore for every leader there must be a Following Exactly. So it's presupposing on the unconscious level that they're following us and that we're their leader. I'm not saying it, I'm not saying I'm your leader, you're going to follow me today. I said, as we explore our marketing plan together, our again, not my, or the but our marketing plan together, together and again, implies a relationship. I invite you invite do we invite people? Do we have an invitation implies that there's something good that you're about to receive? I invite you to share the questions. What's the difference? I'm going to ask you this question? What's the difference between inviting and sharing? strike that what's the difference between sharing and asking? So instead of saying ask questions, I say share questions. What's the difference between those two words? Do we share with people who we don't trust? Or don't have a relationship with?
Brian Charlesworth 11:11
No, we don't
Paul Ross 11:12
No we don't. So using those words, we create a subconscious state of the person, feeling like they already trust us. We even go further than rapport. rapport is great. But what if you can go beyond rapport and get people into a state where they feel like they're following you? Like they're your followers? That's even better. And so these words, these little subtle words itself, which is the title of my beautiful book, look at how handsome I look. These subtle words itself direct the subconscious or unconscious of the listener to develop these perceptions about us. And we can do it rapidly. And like minute that quickly.
Brian Charlesworth 11:54
So I know you have. So let's talk about their four words that you've talked about in the first minute of a sales presentation that you want to hit on, though, those are what we just talked about. Together, invite and share.
Paul Ross 12:09
Yep, we explore together. Invite, share. So that may be more than four we explore together via Skype. That's five. All right, so you got me there, they're five words. But if you can create that kind of deep, deep desire to follow you with five words instead of four, that's still not a bad deal.
Brian Charlesworth 12:36
Presuming this isn't any sales environment, let's step outside of real estate for a minute. Give me another. Another example here.
Paul Ross 12:44
Doesn't matter. You can do this from a stage. I've done this from stages back when there was before COVID. So you're speaking Yeah. And this is really, really powerful. Because all the techniques they teach you about report, including NLP techniques, marry the other person's posture, and match. They're all that stuff. How do you do that with a crowded people or wherever one city in a different way? I've done the same thing. I've said something like, before we explore this fascinating world of influence and persuasion today, I'm not sure at which point you might stop and find yourself thinking, wow, this is really amazing. But as it's taking place, I want to invite you to please share the questions that naturally come up when a great decisions being made. Now, that's a big mouthful. But there's a lot that I've embedded inside of that. And I'll unpack it for you. So I said, before we explore before we begin this exploration of the world of influence, and persuasion. I'm not sure at which points you might stop and find yourself. Now find yourself as a powerful phrase, I want to I would like to sort of put a little pause here and talk about this phrase, find yourself. I use this all the time, if you want to induce a state of compliance is subconscious compliant state. Use this phrase find yourself What does it mean to find yourself doing something? So I'll ask you the question. Did you ever just find yourself falling in love?
Brian Charlesworth 14:26
Yes, I did.
Paul Ross 14:28
Did you ever just find yourself falling out of love? and wondering what was I thinking? That Do you ever find yourself in the refrigerator thinking, Wait, what am I doing here? I don't even remember walking over and what I may be looking for your head is just in the door, the refrigerator with your hand on the handle? Of course you haven't. So find yourself implies an unconscious action or actions that can't be resisted. That requires no effort. And that's just going to happen automatically. So if I say before you discover yourself, paying careful attention to what it is, I have to say, before you find yourself naturally and easily paying attention to what it is, I have to say. These all presuppose that you're going to do it, and you're going to do it on an unconscious level. Does that make sense? Yeah. So if someone says to me, why should I hire you as my listing agent? I could, I could give them reasons where I can say, Well, Mr. Smith, I wouldn't expect you to find yourself doing that. Until you easily recognize that's something that you want to do, because it feels good and right for you. So thinking about it like that. Let me share my our marketing plan. Yeah. Does that make sense? Are you hearing it?
Brian Charlesworth 15:57
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay. What's the one thing that you're actually always selling, no matter what your industry your business is.
Paul Ross 16:06
So this is really important. You're not selling real estate. And you're not selling your product or service? You're always selling decisions and good feelings about decisions.
Brian Charlesworth 16:18
Okay, so I'm selling decisions,
Paul Ross 16:22
And good feelings about decisions. Correct. Now, here's what flows out of that with the stills out of that understanding. Decisions are largely made on the unconscious or subconscious level. And the facts, data and figures are used as a justification as a rationalization for the decisions we make largely on that emotional, unconscious or subconscious level. Does that make sense? Yeah. So and then feeling good, we want them to feel good about the decision to avoid buyer's remorse. But also when they feel good about the decision, they're going to give us referrals.
Brian Charlesworth 17:01
So what's a great way to conclude somebody makes a decision? In this case of you've been using that they're going to list with me,
Paul Ross 17:10
Right?
Brian Charlesworth 17:11
How do I make sure they feel good about that?
Paul Ross 17:14
Well, the way in which I structure it, where they proceed, that it's a shared activity, not something I'm imposing upon them.
Brian Charlesworth 17:22
Okay, so it's actually done before they make the decision. It's not correct. It's not reinforcing that they made a good decision. It's in the preparation to help them make that decision,
Paul Ross 17:33
Right? away objections, or the suggestions are implanted in there. So once again, if someone says, Well, why should I hire you as a listing agent? There are plenty of people I've been seeing all day. And I would turn around and say, Well, Mr. Smith, I don't know all the ways you might stop and find yourself doing that. But I'm sure you'll agree, we only want that to happen, because it feels good and right for you. So keeping that in mind, or thinking about it, just like that, let's explore our marketing plan together. Now, we just did so many things simultaneously, we told him to find himself doing it, we gave him the suggestion that it will feel good and right for him. And here's the most important thing, we didn't buy into his frame, that we have to convince him of anything. We didn't beg or plead or accept that. He's the one that holds all the value. We just turned it around with hypnotic language. So that he discovers Oh, wait, I want to do this for myself for my own reasons, and it will feel good to do it. Okay, I know this may sound a little crazy, but this is about Okay, this Thank you. This is the power of using hypnotic language, subtle suggestion to totally turn people around. And what I want to say is nothing I teach is designed to replace an existing sales process that's working. But if you leave out if you're leaving out the power of subconscious communication, you're leaving a tremendous amount of commissions off the table, you're leaving on the table, excuse me and out of your bank account. And you're not really truly serving your clientele. Because here's the thing, the presupposition in the assumption that your clients and prospects know how to make good decisions anymore, are capable of it is not so true. Because now we have tremendous amounts of distraction. I don't know are people able to watch the video this interview or is it
Brian Charlesworth 19:41
It depends on the source but yes, this will be where everybody if you want to watch this, you can you can log into the YouTube and watch it there. Here's one from the Sisu.co website as well.
Paul Ross 19:52
Here's one of your number one enemies, Brian to making a sale. It's this device and for those who are listening And only it's an iPhone, we are so distracted by this thing that our attention spans have dwindled down to, I don't know, 15 seconds. Do you remember when YouTube originally came out with ads, they were as long as two minutes. Now, you can click away in 15 seconds, people have the attention span of goldfish. So your number one problem is that they're so bombarded, they're over stimulated, and they have the they can't pay attention. They can't focus. So this is a huge problem unless you can use this kind of languaging to get them to focus and to almost pre decide to buy from you, before you give them the facts, data, figures information, it's just not going to go in as effectively. So what I say is, if your existing sales process is not working, as well as it did five years ago, or 10 years ago, there's a reason for it. Keep your process but when you use this kind of language, the antidote, the answer to all this distraction, this inability to focus, and even their lack of trust of themselves, is to use this kind of languaging you can wipe out all that stuff when you use kind of languaging.
Brian Charlesworth 21:14
Yeah. Okay, so you've talked about the cell and really the language to use pre-cell to subconsciously let them make that decision. What about when somebody has objections?
Paul Ross 21:29
I love this. I am the objection destroyer. I am a wrecking ball to objections. Well, I like to use something called the pattern interrupt. Let me talk about pattern interrupt for a minute. It's a principle of hypnosis that people think responding act according to fixed patterns. When you interrupt that pattern, people become extremely suggestible and open to you changing the entire meaning of the interaction, you can change people's behavior like that. May I give you an example story, please. So back when I was a dating coach, I had a student begged me to take him out to a bar up a restaurant that had a bar, and I just didn't like to do that kind of thing. But he offered me 10 grand in cash. I thought 10 grand for two hours of work. I'll do it.
Brian Charlesworth 22:23
Hold on a second. So when you were a dating coach, you weren't like lining them up with people. You're just giving them the tools to present themselves to.
Paul Ross 22:33
Correct. I wasn't a matchmaker.
Brian Charlesworth 22:35
Yes. Okay.
Paul Ross 22:36
So I took him to this restaurant, that outdoor patio area and he was crashing and burning like you employed. I don't know if you've ever had the experience of being so humiliated for another person that you couldn't take it. You could date he had a rhino, Rhino thick skin. He didn't seem to care, but I cared. So after two hours of that disaster, watching him get his head handed to him. I said, let's go. We're waiting for a cab. I see a lovely lady. Waiting for her cab. I just casually said, Look, there's a lovely lady waiting for her cab. Now it must have gone in the wrong way. And she got furious, her face turned beet red. She started screaming at me things that would cause a sailor to turn green. She told me to do things with my anatomy that were just physically impossible. She brought up dead rats. It was ugly. He went to charge at her to give them a piece of his mind and I put my arm out. I said no. She can come from wherever she wants. We decide how we respond. Look at her. She's someone's daughter. She's someone's sister. She's someone's best friend, somewhere. She's deeply loved. And there was a moment of confusion on her face. And then she burst into tears. And she came running over threw her arms around me wept sob like a baby and said, no one's ever spoken so lovingly to me before I just I love you. You're so kind and it's not. I never should have said that to you. Men have been pigs to me all night long. I'm so sorry. And the rest of the story what happened doesn't matter. But I took her from rage. She was enraged. The loving me like that. How was I able to do it not just the cleverness of the words I interrupted her pattern, her expected pattern of responses either that I would fight back that I would beg for forgiveness or that I would run away. I did a fourth thing she didn't expect. So when you interrupt patterns, you have the ability to change meaning and to create states of suggestibility and redirect people. Now let's apply it to real estate Shall we?
Brian Charlesworth 24:50
Sure.
Paul Ross 25:02
Let's say someone says, I don't want to pay that higher commission. My response is, well, Mr. Smith with the right agent, you're not paying a commission, you're investing in skills. Maybe you'll get lucky with a bargain basement choice, but you really want to gamble with the most important asset of your life, your home. Now look at that reframe. It's a really good reframe, with the right agent, implying that you're the right agent. You're not saying it with the right agent, you're not paying a commission, you're investing in skills. Do you get that that's a total pattern interrupt, they're expecting you to start negotiating or to say, no, it's a complete meaning rephrase, we call it in NLP, then we're starting to get really underhanded. We say, maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe you'll get lucky when it comes to the bargain basement option. So what are we? What are we implying there? Maybe you'll get lucky and implies that they're gambling, then we flat out state it. But you really want to gamble with the most important asset of your life, your home? And of course, the answer is going to be No, I don't. It totally takes that objection and erases it completely. Or if they say something like, Well, can you come down a little bit in your in your commission? I'd say why would I want to negotiate away your results? Yeah, love it. Or if they say something, let me give you another one. I need more time to think it over. Hey, I totally understand I get where you're coming from. Can I ask you a question? Do you ever taken a long time to think something over and it still turned out to be the wrong thing to do? Maybe it's not about time, but about the clarity? Do you need to recognize a great decision is about to happen. So thinking about like, what is it that we really need to have you put on the table to get clear on this today? Do you see the reframe that? Oh, yeah. So I loved it's all there's I have like, five different ways to break patterns. And this is one of the things you're going to get for free when you will give up the contact information. You're going to get two courses, and one of them is destroying objections. I just love this stuff. So they're all based on the principle of interrupting patterns. And I discovered this, it's a classic NLP thing. It's also a classical hypnosis thing. But I learned the applications in my dating coaching, because I had to interrupt these guys patterns. And, and it's pretty powerful stuff in and virtually no one teaches it, and they'll never see it coming.
Brian Charlesworth 28:07
So I mean, I've written down a page of notes here, which I think it's great stuff. I love it.
Paul Ross 28:14
Thank you.
Brian Charlesworth 28:16
It's extremely valuable. And I want to know more. So like, how do I implement this stuff? Rather than just trying to memorize a bunch of questions, how do I really embed this into my everyday living? So rather than just into myself,
Paul Ross 28:36
Sound self-serving, need a coach. And I like to say it takes a big checkbook to hire me, I'm the most expensive coach you'll ever be glad you hired. So it does require a coach, I think to get it the level I've got it, you've got to really nail it, you. So I've never required to coach But that said, it requires immersion, that you immerse yourself in it, that you understand it. I require my clients to demonstrate to me through testing, that they get the concepts behind what I'm teaching, for example, one of the core concepts is whatever you can get your prospect to imagine for themselves is will be perceived by them as being their own thought, therefore, they will not resist it. So before you think of the facts, data figures, any of the rest of it, first, capture only their imagination, emotions. Next principle, the state of mind that your client is in, I'm going to unpack that for you, Brian a second is the single most important thing that serves your sale. Now let me unpack that for you. All right. Because when I teach and train I teach in metaphors a lot. What I'm about to present to you, it's not a trick question. Let's say we want to conduct an electric current. We have a sheet of cardboard And a sheet of gold foil? Not a trick question, which one of those is going to conduct the electric current? The gold foil or the cardboard? The gold foil? exactly correct. So think of your prospect state of mind as being the conductive medium and your words your marketing plan, your negotiation is going to be that electric current, their state of mind, if they're not in the rate of right state of mind, you could do the best presentation you can have the best marketing plan on the block, offer the best service with the wrong frame of mind, it's not going to conduct. So what states of consciousness Do we want the men? Again, the notion that selling is about structuring and creating states of consciousness is a completely whacked out off the wall. Bat bleep, I can't swear in your show, can I massively batshit crazy, I've been called batshit. Crazy, I say thank you very much. I really appreciate that I am indeed batshit crazy. But it takes someone who's a little out there to see things from a completely different perspective. So what states of consciousness Do we want them in? How about focused, completely focused on you? How about a state of childlike willingness to believe you? How about a state of trust in themselves as much as trusting you that they trust that they can make a good decision? Nowadays, your prospects don't trust they can make good decisions because they're overloaded, they're overwhelmed. And what used to be a good decision no longer is because of all the financial crisis is and people remember that. So trusting you, viewing you as someone they want to follow, being fascinated being focused being present. Those are the states of consciousness, we want the men and the other side of the equation is what state of consciousness Do we want ourselves to be in? How about being grounded? How about being interested in the sale but invested in our skills? How about being out of our head? Not out of our mind, but out of our head? Meaning we don't have that dialogue chattering away? Or are they following me? Am I going to lose the deal? Where am I slowing that down? So it's there at the bare minimum necessity, we need it. Korea, creating, cultivating, sculpting these states of consciousness is a brand new idea. And it takes a while to really get the idea. But once you get it, then the languaging becomes a lot easier to remember. And finally, you have to get to this level that I'm at, you have to be in love with it. We talked in the pre show, what is it that I really want to accomplish, I said I want them to fall in love. I want people to fall in love with language to get really good, you have to love it, you have to be in love with it. And I'm in love with it.
Brian Charlesworth 32:59
So I want to dive a little deeper, because we're talking about the language with us. And in a cell's environment. I want to I want to just go maybe the language we tell ourselves and I want to go there because the people and I know a large group of people at this point that have been through in depth, NLP training and the level they came out of that thinking, let me rephrase that they came out of that at a level thinking much, much larger than they ever have before. Yeah. So talk, let's talk about that right now. And just maybe the words we tell ourselves the subconscious mind, subconscious language we use. And maybe it's not just subconscious, actual language we use with ourselves when we talk about ourselves to other people, that kind of stuff.
Paul Ross 33:55
So can I give a $50,000 bonus to everyone who's listening right now? This is normally for my clients who pay me 50 grand for like, nine months of coaching, but I'm going to give it away as a bonus. So you right ask the
Brian Charlesworth 34:08
Right question is what you're saying?
Paul Ross 34:10
You asked a good question. So I'm going to show you how to eliminate any limited self-belief and eliminate negative self talk. Are you ready? So I learned this, let me give you the background. I'm going to give it to you I want to teach just a little bit tease out how I found it. Remember, I used to work with guys who were 30 4050 year old virgins who never had a date and their negative dialogue. You ever meet someone who you think is very beautiful? And you say well, you look great. And they say no, I look fatness and no matter how you try to convince them. They're not going to believe you.
Brian Charlesworth 34:46
They're not they're just not willing to accept the compliment.
Paul Ross 34:49
They can't hear it because they have 10,000 repetitions in their own head of saying I'm ugly. I'm ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly. The mind works on three universal principles one of which that revealed today is the mind works on RFM. Repetition, familiarity and momentum. So if you say something over and over and over and over again, it becomes familiar. And then it has what I call cognitive momentum and emotional inertia. So it's not that you are a thing called a self sabotage or, or you lack a mysterious fluid called self esteem set, you have a shitty learning strategy, your learning strategy is to stare at your mistakes in your head and ruminate on them. Like, you know, ruminating is like the cattle has two stomachs that chews on the grass swallows it throws it back up, choose it again. So when you ruminate on something, the second universal law of the mind is the mind can't tell the difference between what you dwell on over and over in an attempt to learn from and what you're programming it back into doing. And then when you program it back to doing it, it's going to repeat the behavior that's ineffective. So you get what I'm talking about, you have that cycle of failure. Does that make sense to you? Yes. So what people have is a bad learning strategy. And it all starts with a limiting belief, like, I just can't close my big money clients, or I just can't discipline myself to make my outreach calls.
Brian Charlesworth 36:24
So how serious is it just to tell yourself something like that?
Paul Ross 36:27
It's crippling, but here's how you get out of it. Here's the three words, up until now, up until now, I didn't or up until now, it has been my experience, that I didn't close the big money clients. Up until now, this is extremely powerful. Those three words up until now, the first thing they do is they bind the limitation in time. When you say I'm no good at closing big money clients, the unconscious mind doesn't keep track of mind unless you direct it to. It doesn't keep track of time, excuse me, unless you direct it to. That's why that's part of the structure of trauma is to the traumatized person, the veteran who went through an explosion or got shot or watched a friend get shot to that person, that trauma isn't in the past, it's happening right now. And so when you say up until now, I'm not saying it would work with trauma, but with limiting self talk, it works up until now takes that belief and it binds it in time. It says it's the case in the past, and now we're stopping it. So it tells you unconscious, bind it in time, bind it into the past, and then when it does is it makes it's very tricky. It's very clever. When you say up until now, it was my experience that I didn't close the big money clients, Not I, I as a person as an entity can't do it. But my experience was that I didn't do it. You understand, it becomes about a series of events rather than who you are. One of the things they'll teach you in NLP or if someone is a master, and I consider myself a master. You can change beliefs about people's skill set, that's the easiest thing to do. Then you can change beliefs about people's sense of possibility, what's possible in the world? what's possible for me their sense of capability. What am I capable of doing? What can I do their sense of what they deserve, and then their sense of identity. These first two, their identity and what they deserve, are really hard to change. But it's like a house of cards. If you pull out the card that's holding up the rest, they'll tumble that's why we want to work at the level of skill. I don't teach my clients to say I am a great closer I am a great closer. The problem with that is you have 100,000 repetitions of negative dialogue saying I suck as a closer I'm a shitty closer. When there's a conflict in the mind like that change becomes exhausting. So if you're listening to me as you're listening to me and getting the recognition that yes, changes felt exhausting before. That's the structure of how not why I don't care why it happens. Only look at the how the structure of it. This is another orientation of NLP. We don't care why people do things we are interested in how they take place. What's the process? What's the structure? So traditional advice where you just give yourself affirmations like I am a great closer, I am a big money closer. Eventually that can work but it's exhausting. And we want to make change, personal fulfillment, personal empowerment, self improvement, whatever it is. To be as friction free as possible, because that mental friction on the unconscious level is exhausting. If as you're listening to me, you have felt exhausted in your journey. It's not your fault. It is not your fault. It is a result of how we're taught to learn, and what you've been taught by all your self development teachers. And one more thing I know I'm talking about, but I want to throw this in. There is many great trainings out there and sales. There's great people who train real estate sales, I don't want to undercut myself, but there's some really good people been around a long time. Their trainings are not wrong, they're incomplete. Because the one thing they don't teach you, they don't teach you how to learn from your mistakes. And in any application of any technology of any course, you're going to make mistakes, they will tell you things like well, just learn from every experience. Have you ever heard that piece of advice? Brian?
Brian Charlesworth 40:58
Yes, of course.
Paul Ross 40:59
Has anyone ever given you an exact process to do it?
Brian Charlesworth 41:02
I mean, I've heard a lot of different ways to do it. But I couldn't repeat. Oh, yeah, this is exactly the three or five steps you need to take in order,
Paul Ross 41:11
Right, there's usually not one offered in any horse that sold to you. And this is one of the things I do is I spend a good chunk of time when I take on clients. And when I used to do group trainings before COVID had, that I teach them a unique way to very quickly move up that learning curve. And again, I developed this working with people who are really stuck 30 4050 year old guys who never had a date in their life. And believe me, when they made mistakes, they would shoot themselves down and stay depressed for weeks until I came up with a stuff and got them out of it. So they can move up the learning curve very quickly. If I can work with the most stuck, screwed up emotionally impacted people and get them where they want to go. I've gotten emails saying here's a picture of my wife and my family such as if I can do that. Then I can take competent people who are got it pretty well together and show them how to exponentially increase their sales results. Believe me sales is easy compared to that old job.
Brian Charlesworth 42:13
So Paul, let's talk about that for a minute. We have about 10 more minutes. I'm loving this necessary. So I wanted to ask you, like you've given a lot of great advice. If I want to know more like what is it you offer? I know you're a speaker. Sounds like you do personal coaching, maybe you do group coaching? What are the different things that I can get from you if I want to know more?
Paul Ross 42:42
Well, like I said, it's a big checkbook to have to open a pretty big checkbook to
Brian Charlesworth 42:47
work relative well, big checkbook
Paul Ross 42:50
Well, let's just say that it's at least five figures and you have to apply, you have to make it. I'll give you a place where you can go to apply to talk to me. And I also should say I only work with people I've criteria back here on my class board of the kind of personality and the kind of character of the person I want to work with even if they have the money, they have to fit all these criteria, which are I can read you some of them but I don't want to go into my what my office looks like today. It's a mess. So the other thing is if you go to Paul Ross book.com you can get that course on how to destroy objections, I believe we have another one called subtle words for Super sales. And we'll also show you how to get my book on Amazon but it'll redirect you to
Brian Charlesworth 43:38
Paul Ross book.com
Paul Ross 43:40
right. If you want to apply to have a session with me it's SpeakerPaulRoss.com/apply. SpeakerPaulRoss.com/apply. And I will only work with people who are already pretty much near the top of their field, but they want they're not content with being stars, they want to be superstars. So and we're ready to put in the work because I am a trainer and a coach who will work your ass off but it's worth the results.
Brian Charlesworth 44:13
So your focus is primarily focusing on increasing their cells skills, turning them into a superstar. What about at a personal level, like with their personal life?
Paul Ross 44:25
Well, are you talking about dating coaching?
Brian Charlesworth 44:27
No, I'm not talking about dating. Let's say somebody has a family. And they just want to take their personal life to a different level you know, call it their relationships, their friends, their family, their you know we business is one of those but then you have health you have wealth, all those different areas.
Unknown Speaker 44:48
I'm not a generalist, I'm a specialist. There are people you can go to for that. If you open a big enough checkbook, I can help you with that. The problem is it requires me to create an individual a completely new curriculum and so you're paying for 10,000 hours of experience plus all the hours it takes to create the curriculum. So that is not
Brian Charlesworth 45:11
You're focused on really the business sell side.
Unknown Speaker 45:15
Right. Now, the tools become a clickable as you make them second nature, you will just naturally find yourself bringing it into the rest of your life, you can't not do it, I have a guy who I love working with his contract with me is about to run out in about two months. And I like him so much, I'm in town look, once a month, check in with me for half an hour. So I love talking to you, I took him from being the bottom of the literally the bottom of the company with a major, let's just say they advertise on TV, they're one of the top mortgage loan companies in the country, I took him from the bottom to be in the top 10%. But as a result of talking to me, he quit drinking and the drinking was gonna ruin his marriage, he virtually quit, he still has one now and again, because he was such a good client. And we developed such a good rapport, that's rare. But he was able to take the techniques on his own and apply it to his personal life in his relationships. I didn't do that. I just got him to understand it to the point where he converted it on his own. But I'm not a Tony Robbins kind of coach and trainer, I'm strictly about sales and, and that but a huge part of his mindset. And I know stuff about changing minds, because again, I work with some pretty damaged minds.
Brian Charlesworth 46:38
So I mean, mindset is definitely something that you're going to be focusing on, as part of that coaching, because that's, that's really the core of what's going to get them there.
Paul Ross 46:51
And I can give you a freebie there too.
Brian Charlesworth 46:53
Yeah, let's hear it again.
Paul Ross 46:55
I this is for my clients for 50,000. And up, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it to because I want to give value and what the heck I cannot, I can't teach I have to teach. Which is, and this is another batshit crazy concept. In order to really be successful, I think in any area, any area of life, we have to create a balance between three types of consciousness. And again, this is only my model. There's creative consciousness, where you tap into your unconscious mind, your creativity, your ability to come up with new solutions. Very, very powerful, very important. There is well consciousness. And this is very strongly emphasized in the entrepreneurial world. Learn, always keep going, don't let anything keep you down, get up, if you're knocked down eight times get up nine times. That's very important, you have to have well, but then there's what I call witness consciousness. This is something you develop through a meditative practice. And it's the ability to see what you did. Without attaching it to your sense of identity, I say a big look, people can come to me, for NLP to cure them of a phobia of spiders, if they're afraid of spiders, I can hear the phobia half an hour, no problem. That's a small change. But the big transformational change happens for people, when they're no longer looking through their patterns. They're looking at them. And so developing that kind of witness consciousness so you can look at what you did without hypnotizing yourself back into it is a huge skill set that's not taught. It also enables you to emotionally regulate the skillset of emotionally self regulating, is not taught. But these are all things that are necessary to develop emotional intelligence to develop EQ. EQ, when you have emotional intelligence, it's extremely attractive. It's attractive to a client you want to sell to, it's attractive in a situation where you want to connect with someone that you're attracted to. If you're a leader it politically demonstrating that but in order to do it, you have to be able to be aware of your own emotions without getting attached to them. So building witness consciousness and knowing when to bring the balance of those into what context of life you're in. I know, I'm speaking very abstractly, so let me bring it down to the ground for you and be specific. As an entrepreneur having that will consciousness saying yes, I'm going to get this done? Nothing's gonna stand in my way. You know that that's crucial, correct?
Brian Charlesworth 49:43
Yes.
Paul Ross 49:45
But in a personal relationship, if you bring that into your personal relationship with your spouse or your significant other, you're gonna have a problem. You're gonna have a real problem. So, depending on the context, you No, you have to know when to balance those things out. Now you have to have a little bit of well consciousness and a personal relationship, or you'll miss the power dynamic. But if you have too much, then you're going to get screwed up. And this is learning how to create these different states of consciousness and balance them out. Again, this is a crazy idea. Selling is about states of consciousness. Being personally happy, I think is about balancing different states of consciousness. This thing of developing witness consciousness is I think, something that's been missing. It's not something that's brought into the world of sales very much. And I think it needs to be there.
Brian Charlesworth 50:42
Yeah. All right, Paul. Well, we're about out of time today. So thank you so much for joining our listeners. If you'll go pass this along to you know, those around you share this podcast. Also, if you'll go subscribe to the podcast, you'll get notified every time we actually release a new one, which we happen to do every Tuesday. And then if, if you want to go give us a five-star rating, that would mean the world to me as well. So good. Paul, any last words of advice you'd like to leave before we drop off? Or is there any way other than Speaker Paul Ross comm that people should go to get a hold of you?
Unknown Speaker 51:22
So it's SpeakerPaulRoss.com/apply. Okay, it's Paul Ross, book calm. If you want to get that video course, you can always find yourself naturally doing both. Or, finally, I love to get email from people. So just email me Paul@speakerpaulross.com. And the center, Paul Ross, and the subject is your wonderful, Paul.
Brian Charlesworth 51:47
All right now you know how to get a hold of them. They're wonderful. Well, thanks again for joining me today.
Paul Ross 51:52
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Brian Charlesworth 51:54
I having you here and I look forward to getting to know you better in the future.
Paul Ross 51:58
Thank you, sir. All right.
Brian Charlesworth 52:01
Thank you.
